Supernatural Therapy
by Shooshkipoo
Summary: Because we all know they need it! Bobby is sick and tired of listening to the constant bickering, so he sends Sam, Dean, Ruby, Anna, Castiel and Uriel to therapy! Let's see how well this goes.
1. Bobby gets angry

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, but I do own Dr. Randolph Maxwell. This story was inspired by vjgm's story "Family Therapy Cullen Style" If you like Twilight and laughing out loud, I'd go check it out.

Spoilers for season 4, but I tweaked a few things.

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Bobby took off his baseball cap and ran his fingers through his grubby hair. He reclined his favourite chair and but his feet up, enjoying the momentary peace; the key word being "momentary".

"How many times do I have to tell you Dean? It's not what you think!"

"Right, give me three, no, see if you can give me even ONE good reason to believe anything you say!"

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"See! See! That's exactly what I mean! When was the last time you said something honest, huh Sam?" The door burst open and both Winchesters stormed in, their faces screwed up in anger and barely an inch apart.

"What are you idjits shouting about?" grumbled Bobby, standing up.

"Oh nothing," shouted Dean, "except that my little brother who used to, you know, trust me, has been lying about using his psychic crap and getting freakishly strong even though he shouldn't even be USING his powers at all!"

"Let me get this straight," Sam bellowed back, "You're COMPLAINING because I've found a way to get demons out of innocent people without killing them? You're MAD because I saved your ass and killed Alistair?"

"No HUMAN should be able to kill a demon Sam!" Sam's eyes narrowed at the emphasis Dean put on the word 'human' and he was just about to retort when two new voices entered the fray.

"What were you THINKING Uriel?? You tried to release Alistair?"

"It was the best thing to do!" snapped Uriel, "See, I, unlike you, have a mind of my own!"

"Have you forgotten the price for disobedience?" demanded Castiel, "Do the names Anna and Lucifer mean anything to you?"

"Don't drag me into this!" interjected Anna, materializing in the room.

"Why shouldn't I drag you into this?" exclaimed Castiel, now sounding slightly hysterical, "You disobeyed! The worst possible thing an angel can do and you've given Uriel the idea too!"

"I never would have freed Alistair!" protested Anna,

"Wait a sec," said Dean suddenly, "It's your fault that Alistair almost killed me? What the hell Uriel???"

"Don't take that tone with me, Mud Monkey!" roared Uriel, drawing himself up to his full and impressive height. He towered over Dean who refused to back down.

"Shouldn't we be worrying about Sam?" asked Anna

"I'm not doing anything wrong!" yelled Sam, for the umpteenth time

"You're trusting a demon!" added Castiel, "Does that seem wrong to you at all?"

"Oh my God, you STILL don't trust me?" Ruby had appeared out of nowhere and was staring at the angels angrily,

"What do I have to do to prove myself? Throw myself at Lilith's feet and say "kill me?"

"It has its merits." Sneered Anna.

"You little-" Ruby began to lunge.

"ENOUGH!" The room fell silent and all eyes landed on Bobby. "That is IT!" Bobby growled, "It's bad enough that Lilith is trying to end the world, but I'm not listening to all this childish bickering in my house." There was an outbreak of babble from the assembled characters. Uriel even pushed Dean's face into the ground in an effort to be seen and heard better. Anna tried to push her way to the front by yanking on Ruby's hair, who responded by backhanding Anna in the face.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" Bobby exploded. "I'm going to make you morons get along if it's the last thing I do!"

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"Um, hi." Said a very nervous Dr. Maxwell. Six pairs of eyes stared accusingly back. The oldest man walked forward,

"Bobby Singer," he said, shaking the doctor's hand. "Thanks for seeing us on such short notice."

"Dr. Randolph Maxwell," he said, gulping nervously. The bald man looked capable of murder, and by the look on his face, considering it.

"So," he said, clapping his hands, "Could I get all of your names?" The tall man with shaggy brown hair stood up,

"I'm Sam, this is my brother Dean," he gestured to another young man with short dark blond hair. Dr. Maxwell began scribbling furiously,

_Wouldn't let brother introduce himself. Overbearing? _

"Ruby," said the brunette female tersely. _Not open to therapy. Seems bitter and angry._

"I'm Anna," said the red head, though her voice was a bit gentler. _Polite, but on edge. Scared of bald man? _

"Castiel," _Man of few words. What is he keeping to himself? _Gulping in fear, he turned his attention to the bald man,

"And you, sir?"

"I will turn you to dust," he seethed. _Two words: Anger issues. _

"That's Uriel." Said Bobby helpfully, smacking Uriel in the back of the head.

"You dare-" He was cut off when Bobby ordered him to turn around and pay attention to Doctor Maxwell. Uriel obeyed, but was still clearly wishing everyone in the room a painful death.

"Alright, now could one of you please tell me why you decided to seek out therapy?"

"Because Bobby made us." deadpanned Dean.

"He's our uncle." said Sam by way of explanation.

"And the rest of you…?" Ruby narrowed her eyes.

"I'm here because I'm being punished for my loyalty to Sam." _Obvious attachment to Sam, investigate._

"I am here because I wish for my brother and sister to receive help," said Castiel earnestly.

"Your brother and sister?"

"Anna and Uriel." Dr. Maxwell blinked in confusion. "You don't look related."

"We're adopted!" piped up Anna. "Bobby took us in!" _Bobby Singer, generous or mental? Ask about everyone's histories. _

"I don't need to be here." Growled Uriel, "I know exactly what I'm doing."

"I don't need to be here either," said Anna sweetly, "but poor Uriel is in denial." Uriel's eyes got scary huge. If looks could kill…

"Alright, who would like to share first?" Sam and Dean pointed at each other, Castiel and Anna both pointed to Uriel, who jabbed his finger at Ruby. Ruby pointed back. _Uriel, tense relations with everyone in the room. _

"Anna!" said Dr. Maxwell, unwilling to interrogate Uriel right away. "Let's start with you." Anna smiled and folded her hands calmly, but her eyes kept flicking nervously between the doctor and Uriel.

"Well, I'm twenty-five years old, both of my parents are dead and I've been with Castiel and Uriel for most of my life." _Frightened of Uriel, but stays around him. Possible abuse situation?_

"How long have you been with Bobby?"

"I adopted all of them when they were in their teens." Cut in Bobby, "Anna was fourteen." Anna nodded complacently. He looked at Castiel and Uriel, "How old are the two of you?" Uriel simply glared, so Castiel answered,

"I am twenty-eight, and Uriel is thirty." Dr. Maxwell raised an eyebrow,

"That means that Uriel would have been his own legal guardian at the time, why choose to be adopted?"

"As a safety precaution for everyone else on the planet," sneered Dean.

Uriel turned his scary eyes on Dean,

"What was that, you filthy piece of scum?" Uriel's voice was deadly,

"You tried to kill me! Dean bellowed, leaping out of his chair. In seconds, Sam was on his feet as well,

"I knew it! I knew that there was something wrong with you!" _Complicated bond between Sam and Dean, closeness hidden by all the tension. Wait, Uriel tried to KILL Dean? Must investigate source of anger. _

Before Dr. Maxwell could react, Ruby was on her feet too, but she seemed to be yelling at both Dean and Uriel.

"I have done nothing but help, but I'm still treated like crap from you and these dicks with wings! And you still trust them over me!"

"You know exactly why I don't trust you!" snarled Dean,

"Right," sneered Ruby, "because these guys are SOOO trustworthy."

"Ok," said Dr. Maxwell again, rubbing his temples, "This could take longer than I thought. How about we divide into groups of three; Sam, Dean and Ruby, I'll see you first. Mr. Singer, please keep an eye on the others, make sure they don't break anything."

Bobby stood and pointed imperiously at the door. Anna stood up gracefully and walked out, Castiel had never sat down, and Uriel gave Dr. Maxwell one last glare of death before leaving. It rather reminded him of a shark, slowly sinking below the waves. He shivered.

_Be sure to get a drink after this._

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A/N: I know I've been writing a lot of goofy stuff lately instead of updating my ongoing fics, but I'll get to them. It just hit me one day; if I lived through just one episode of this show, I'd be scarred for quite a while. After 4 seasons, I know I'd need therapy! Let me know what you think!

-Shooshkipoo


	2. Sam, Dean, and Ruby

Sam, Dean and Ruby

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. I do own Dr. Maxwell.

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"Before we begin," said Dr. Maxwell, "I would just like to remind you that everything you say will be kept completely confidential." Sam snorted derisively. Randolph raised an eyebrow and asked coolly, "Is there something you would like to say Sam?"

"No there isn't," supplied Dean bitterly, "even if you managed to get him talking, chances are he'd be feeding you a load of bull." Sam whipped his head around to face his brother,

"You're seriously still on about this?"

"Yes Sam, I'm still on about this. The world is going to END and my own brother, the only family I have, refuses to be honest with me!" _Bitter at being distrusted._ "I bet you confide in Ruby, considering the number of times you've ditched me to go slutting around with her!" Ruby's jaw dropped,

"I'm doing what you're too weak and scared to," she hissed, "Instead of putting my trust in a bunch of useless, self-righteous douchebags, I'm actually making a difference!" _Once again, she leaps to Sam's defense. _

"And what do you have to say about all this, Sam?" asked Dr. Maxwell soothingly, trying to ease the tension,

"I think that my whole life, I have been doing what Dean tells me, just because he's my big brother. And he's just bitter because I don't follow him around like a lost dog anymore." _Defensive, possibly in denial?_

"That's not it at all!" protested Dean, "I'm worried about you Sam. Every day you just get darker and angrier. Does it bother you at all how many people you and Ruby have killed?" _Sam and Ruby have killed people?? __Investigate._

"For every person that doesn't make it, I've managed to save three! Don't you get it?"

"But you don't CARE about the ones that died Sam! That's my point!" Dean didn't look angry anymore, now he sounded upset. "You don't care about anything or anyone, apart from your suicidal mission to track down Lilith." _Lilith? An ex-girlfriend of Sam's?_

"You've been hanging around with the angels too long," sneered Ruby, "you think you're so above us, but you just sit around and mope about your time in hell. Get over it!"

"I'm afraid I don't follow," said Randolph, "Ruby, could you please explain what you meant by Dean's time in hell?" Three pairs of eyes got very wide.

"What I meant by that was," Ruby spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully, "Dean spent four months in a very, very bad place." Dr. Maxwell nodded for her to continue. "He was tortured by Alistair-" _Dean was tortured?!_

"And who is Alistair?"

"A very powerful demon." Sam jabbed Ruby in the ribs, but the damage was done. Dr. Maxwell sat up a little straighter, intrigued.

"When you say demon…" he trailed off enquiringly

"It's a cult!" Sam shouted suddenly. Dean and Ruby stared at him. "It's this cult for satanic worship and the members are called demons!" The doctor nodded,

"I see. So this cult got a hold of Dean and tortured him for four months, is that correct?"

They all nodded. _I feel like I'm missing something._

"And what did you do over the four months, Sam?"

"Tried to get him out obviously!"

"And you succeeded?" Once again, Dean spoke before Sam could answer,

"No, Castiel saved me." He said bitterly, "Sam ended up being sucked into the cult by Ruby!" He jabbed an accusatory finger at Ruby as he spoke. Dr. Maxwell tilted his head to the side,

"You're a demon, Ruby?" A smirk passed over her face and she closed her eyes. Before she opened then again, Sam hissed fiercely,

"Don't even think about it!" Ruby sighed, but apparently obeyed Sam.

"Wanna know why I hate you so much, Ruby? Apart from sucking him into your cult," _I still feel like I'm missing some sort of inside joke._

"You got him addicted to demon blood!" Dr. Randolph Maxwell almost dropped his pen.

"Demon _blood_?" He managed to ask, without letting too much of his disgust show.

"It's not actual blood," Sam tried to explain,

"It's actually a drug, known only to the members of the cult." Ruby's smirk returned at the fury on Dean's face. "I'm his supplier," she said, not without pride. "And it's not illegal, since the government doesn't even know it exists." _I understand now! She encourages Sam's anger and lets him feel in control, even though he isn't. Of course…_

"Ruby, can you please tell me about your relationship with Sam?"

"Sexual." Said Ruby without batting an eye. Sam covered his face and Dean jumped out of his chair, pointing at Sam

"You said that was a one time thing!" He all but screeched.

"Calm down Brushy-top," laughed Ruby, "Let's just say; I live for giving Sam what he wants." Her voice was almost a purr. Dean's eyes almost popped out of his head. Dr. Randolph studied Ruby intently; there were a number of healing cuts on her arms and a few bruises that were almost completely gone. They were unnoticeable unless you looked.

"How did you get all those, Ruby?" She grinned,

"Hey Sam, you wanna take this one?" Sam groaned, his face turning red. He mumbled something that Randolph couldn't make out.

"Sorry?" he asked, pen poised at the ready,

"I said," Sam's face was getting close to lobster, "I'm not exactly gentle…" Dean fell back into his chair with a loud thump.

"Didn't need to know that, didn't need to know that," he chanted under his breath.

_Uncomfortable with hearing about his little brother's sexual life. Jealous? Possibly betrayed?_

"And Ruby, how does it make you feel when Sam is, er, rough with you?" Ruby grinned again. _Enjoys being hurt. Masochistic tendencies. _

"I think Dean's just jealous, he hasn't had any since he escaped from hell."

"That's not true!" Dean protested again,

"So you HAVE slept with somebody?" inquired Ruby, smirking. Dean cursed.

"Who'd you sleep with Dean?" Sam sounded curious, not accusatory, "I can't remember a night that you didn't spend tossing and turning about hell."

"Your time in hell has given you nightmares?"

"Maybe a few," Dean muttered, sounding embarrassed,

"Try virtually every night!" interjected Sam loudly, "some nights he just doesn't sleep at all." Ruby nodded, her face faking concern,

"The other day, he looked at his reflection and smashed the mirror." She shook her head sadly, "He doesn't like himself at all." _Classic case of self-loathing, traumatized from the events?_

"Is this true Dean? You smashed a mirror?" Dean pressed his lips together tightly, as though he was physically trying to stop himself from speaking.

"Ok yes!" Dean burst out, "I never deserved to be saved, and I've tortured countless people for God 's sake!" _Dean has tortured people too??_ And odd expression passed over Sam's face,

"So that's why you acted all weird when Cas saved you…" he said slowly, "Dean, why didn't you tell me?" Dean and Sam's eyes met, but Dean stayed silent. The tension in the room was so thick; you could have cut it with a knife. Finally Dean said so quietly that they almost missed it,

"I was upset because you weren't able to guess." Sam's mouth dropped open, now feeling immensely guilty, "Castiel knew after talking to me for about two minutes."

"I would like to go back it an issue that was mentioned earlier." Sam tore his eyes away from his brother, looking upset. Dean didn't look very happy either. _They keep secrets to protect the other's feelings? Whatever it looks like, they don't enjoy hurting each other._

"Could someone please explain to me who Lilith is? Does Sam have some sort of history with her too?" Dean let out a whoop of laughter and doubled over. Ruby glared, Sam looked a cross between mortified and amused, and Dr. Maxwell was intrigued,

"Sam…and Lilith…in bed!" Dean choked, holding his ribs,

"Sure, now you find it funny!" Sam snapped, but a smile was pulling at the corners of his lips.

"DID you sleep with Lilith, Sam?"

"Almost," he muttered, "but we were interrupted…" Dean's laughter hit new decibels and Sam knew he was picturing Chuck's big entrance. Before he knew it, Sam's anger had evaporated and he was trying not to laugh.

"Whatever!" he cried, trying to contain his smile, "I was going to stop the apocalypse!" _Apocalypse? _

"I'm very confused," stated Dr. Maxwell,

"You see," said Ruby, flicking her dark brown eyes towards the brothers, "Lilith is a…terrorist and I have insiders' info on how to stop her activities."

"Insiders' info? Is Lilith a demon too?" Ruby nodded,

"Sam agrees with my methods of fighting Lilith, while Dean chooses to follow the angels."

"Angels?" _What is this? A Dan Brown novel?_

"A religious group, dedicated to trying to destroy the demons. They can't wrap their heads around the fact that I want to stop Lilith as much as they do." She paused as though daring Dr. Maxwell to ask her reasons for that. He decided to skip that for now.

"And how does this affect the boys?"

I took Sam under my wing and made him stronger, braver, smarter and more attractive than Dean." Dean's laughter instantly ceased.

"More attractive? Are you blind?" Ruby ignored him.

"The point is; the discord between the brothers is coming from the fact that while Dean used to be the leader, Sam has finally surpassed him." Sam's smile vanished.

"Sam? Do you agree with this statement?" Sam's hazel eyes flicked nervously between the doctor and Dean.

"I think I've improved as a hunter, yes." He answered diplomatically.

"That's not what he asked you," whispered Ruby, delighted at the situation. "Didn't you outright say that you're a better hunter than Dean is?"

"Well,"

"And didn't you say he was holding you back?"

"Yes, but…"

"There's your answer Doc!" cried Ruby triumphantly, "Sam thinks he is better than Dean!" Sam was visibly shifting in his seat. He glanced nervously at his big brother, and quailed under the glare he received.

"Dean," Sam sounded desperate, "We've talked about this remember?"

"Yeah. I didn't believe you then either." Dean looked solemn. "Face it Sam, you meant what you said." Sam's expression changed; now he was angry.

"Fine. You want to be like this? I meant every word of it, and I'm the one who's going to stop the apocalypse!"

"Sam! You. Are. Deluded!" Dean bellowed, "Why can't you see that Ruby is manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday? She doesn't care what happens to you! She doesn't care that you used to be gentle and nerdy and shied away from hurting humans. Now you seem to enjoy it!" Sam jerked back as though he'd been slapped,

"I don't enjoy it! I wish to God there was another way, but there's not! The angels are not helping us!" The brothers locked eyes again, neither one willing to cave while Ruby smirked in the background.

"Ok, I think this is a good place to stop." Said Dr. Maxwell uncomfortably. "We've managed to get a lot of things out in the open, and I know it's a lot to deal with. So now I want you shake hands, and send in the next group. Sam and Dean shook hands quickly. Dean and Ruby looked like they were trying to crush each other's fingers. Ruby stroked Sam's arm and laughed at Dean's expression before sailing out. When the door shut, Dr. Maxwell collapsed into his chair. _Screw waiting until after work. _He took out a bottle of whiskey and took a shot.

"I really hope the next group isn't as hostile." His hopes weren't very high.

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A/N: And there is chapter two! I'm having a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you guys like this chapter as much as the first! Poor Dr. Maxwell, now he has to deal with Uriel.

-Shooshkipoo


	3. Anna, Castiel, and Uriel

Shooshkipoo proudly presents: Supernatural Therapy chapter 3! I put lots of work into it, so please review  Thank you everybody for favouriting and reviewing, it's really encouraging! And what made me get my butt in gear and update since I've just started my first year of university. So without further ado...

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"Send them in," called Randolph wearily, rubbing his temples for the umpteenth time. Anna sailed in, cool as you please followed by a solemn-looking Castiel and a positively thunderous Uriel. Randolph smiled nervously,

"So, did you get the chance to talk while you were waiting outside?" Anna shook her head serenely and Uriel simply glared, but Castiel said,

"Uriel and Anna refused to discuss their differences, despite my best efforts" Anna whipped her head around to face Castiel.

"I have had it up to here with your self- righteous crap!" Castiel looked affronted and Uriel almost cracked a smile. "If I remember correctly, there was a certain conversation that you and I had." Castiel's expression darkened, but Anna continued "I believe your exact words were 'I'm considering disobedience.' And you still dare lecture me?" Castiel's voice took on a threatening growl when he spoke,

"I serve God. I obey his will and nobody else's. You disobeyed for no reason other than a disgusting lack of faith." Now it was Anna's jaw that dropped. "And," added Castiel, imitating Anna, "if I remember correctly, that conversation happened around the time that Uriel TRIED TO KILL DEAN!" A ringing silence followed this pronouncement. Dr. Maxwell took a deep breath, gathering what was left of his courage,

"Um, Mr. Uriel sir? Could you elaborate on that statement?" Randolph blinked and suddenly Uriel was inches away from his face, eyes glowing with hatred. He spoke slowly, deadly intent in every word,

"Dean is a filthy pathetic human. He never deserved to be rescued from hell. Alistair should have destroyed Dean and order would have been restored." His eyes gained a terrifying, mischievous sparkle, "I was the only one brave enough. The angels were whispering, trying to hide their doubt. But I was the only one brave enough to act." Uriel's hand twitched as though he would like nothing more than to use it to bash Randolph's head into the wall. He hid behind his notebook.

"That's enough Uriel!" Castiel and Anna were both on their feet. "Dean is the only weapon we have against the apocalypse and you know it!"

"Yeah!" added Anna, "And he's good in bed!" There was another ringing silence. Uriel let out a whoop of laughter which was almost scarier than his glare. Castiel simply covered his eyes and groaned. So it was _Anna who Dean slept with... And why do they keep talking about the apocalypse?_

"Alright, let's back up a little," said Dr. Maxwell, peering out timidly from behind his notebook.

"Ruby mentioned that the three of you are 'Angels' and that you are at war with the 'Demons'. Is that correct?" The three angels looked astonished but nodded. "And Dean is on the Angel's side?" Three more nods. "And Alistair is a Demon?"

"Right," Castiel growled.

"Then Uriel, why did you want Alistair to kill Dean? What is the basis of your hatred?"

"Uriel is just jealous because our Father prefers humans to Angels." interjected Anna. _ Umm...I feel like I have to ask._

"I'm sorry, but aren't you humans?" Uriel drew himself up to his full and impressive height; But Castiel pulled a Bobby and smacked him in the back of the head before he could launch into a rage.

"Of course we are," said Castiel calmly, shooting a look at Uriel, "We just pride ourselves on having more faith than the average human."

"God prefers the pilfering Mud-monkeys because they defy him! Because they run around like pitiful rats, lost and confused." snarled Uriel.

"So you tried to kill Dean out of jealousy?" It happened so fast; Uriel lunged and Dr. Maxwell jumped backwards in fright, but Castiel and Anna grabbed each of his arms just in time and threw him against the wall, knocking a painting off the wall. Randolph clutched his notebook like it was a teddy bear, trembling. _I'll take that as a yes..._

"Um, Anna?" Anna brushed her red hair out of her eyes while still trying to restrain a struggling Uriel,

"Yes Doc?"

"You don't seem to bear the same hatred of humans that Uriel does. What made you decide to 'disobey' as Castiel put it?"

"I'm jealous of them too." She admitted breathlessly, "Humans have so many blessings that they constantly overlook. Being an Angel involves sacrifice. We can't show emotion." _Uriel seems to have plenty of emotion... _"Castiel is starting to express emotions. He likes Dean." Castiel frowned.

"Castiel? How do you really feel about Dean?" Uriel stopped struggling, apparently very interested. Castiel turned his blue eyes to the ground.

"He's my friend," he mumbled. "He's the reason I considered disobeying; because I thought the orders that put him in danger were wrong." _Very guarded of emotions, perhaps afraid of them?_

"Suuuuuure that's the reason." smirked Uriel. Castiel's jaw dropped.

"The very idea! I am an angel! I'm celibate, unlike Anna over there!"

"Why is this such a big deal?" asked Anna, exasperatedly, throwing her hands in the air, "I'm only human!" she put a strange emphasis on the word 'human', "And plus, it's Dean! What do you expect?"

"I expect you to show a little self control! I've seen the way you act around him, unable to keep your hands to yourself for even a minute!"_ Ok, not as innocent as I thought. Possible stalker tendencies?_

"Hey, don't go getting self-righteous with me," snapped Anna getting defensive, "Uriel over there knew what happened, even though nobody told him." Everyone turned to face Uriel.

"Uriel," said Cas slowly, "Did you watch??" Dr. Maxwell figured he didn't really want to hear this,

"OK! Moving on!" The three angels fell silent, though Anna looked like she was trying to stifle a fit of giggles. Even Castiel looked in danger of cracking a smile.

"Let's get this straight. Anna is considered a disgrace because she 'disobeyed' and slept with Dean?"

Anna shrugged and nodded.

"But I still don't get it!" whined Castiel, "You disobeyed because you want to have emotion Why would you want to be sad??" Anna didn't answer him. _Clearly a case of clinical depression._

"And Uriel, you hate the humans and want to destroy them all?"

"That about sums it up," he hissed menacingly. Dr. Maxwell shuddered.

"Castiel, you don't want to risk disobeying by showing emotion, is that correct?" Castiel nodded gravely

"That's correct."

"Cas just has a bit of a condition. What is it called when a person does whatever they are told and doesn't think for themselves?" Uriel sneered.

"Well," said Dr. Maxwell slowly, "That's usually described as an inferiority complex,"

"Then that is what poor Castiel suffers from." Said Uriel mournfully, clapping Castiel on the shoulder. Castiel punched him in the face. Anna screamed, just as Uriel raised a fist to punch back.

"Mr. Singer!" shouted Randolph, "restrain your boys!" Bobby came charging in, followed by Sam, Dean and Ruby. Their mouths dropped open at the sight of Uriel in a headlock with Castiel giving him a noogie, while Uriel retaliated by breaking free and punching Cas in the gut.

"Both of you SIT DOWN!" bellowed Bobby at the top of his lungs. Uriel glared at him and stayed standing, but Castiel sat with a contemptuous look at Uriel. Bobby strode up to Uriel and looked him straight in the eye,

"If you don't sit your whiny ass down right this second, I'm going to get creative." Uriel sat.

"Ok everybody," squeaked Randolph, "If you could all go outside with Mr. Singer, I'll work on the diagnosis." Bobby pointed imperiously at the door and all six 'children' walked out. Once the door clicked shut, Dr. Maxwell resisted the urge to burst into tears. He only just managed.

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The Diagnosis:

_Sam: Violent tendencies, dishonesty and substance abuse. Sexual relationship with Ruby. Suggested treatment: Discuss issues with Dean openly and stay separated from Ruby for 24 hours._

_Dean: Self-loathing, traumatized, despises Ruby. Suggested treatment: Do a bonding activity with Ruby. Watch a 'feel-good' movie and openly discuss issues with Sam._

_Ruby: Sadistic, manipulative. Sexual relationship with Sam. Suggested treatment: Do a bonding activity with Dean, watch a happy movie._

_Anna: Has lustful feelings for Dean, clinical depression. Suggested treatment: Relax and follow Bobby's orders, don't touch Dean for 24 hours._

_Uriel: Masochistic with anger issues. Suggested treatment: Do not get angry or show any violence for 24 hours._

_Castiel: Inferiority complex and problems with expressing emotion. Suggested treatment: Make your own decisions and express feelings for 24 hours._

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"Alright, I would like to thank you all for coming to therapy. I think we made some progress." Uriel snorted. "And I have some homework for you all to do," There was an outbreak of angry babbling until Bobby stepped up,

"You'll do whatever he says. Understand?" They fell silent. "That's what I thought." Bobby sat down.

"Ok, Sam and Dean, this is for both of you: Whenever you disagree on something, you need to sit and discuss it honestly and openly for 24 hours." Dean raised an eyebrow and Sam's expression didn't change. "Sam, you also need to stay separated from Ruby during those 24 hours." Dean clapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Sam glared at him.

"Dean, I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. You have to watch a 'feel-good' movie to help with your self esteem and do a bonding activity with Ruby." The room exploded with laughter and Dean slumped into his chair.

"Ruby, your homework is similar. You need to watch at least three happy Disney movies, see if you can't get over your sadism, as well as the bonding activity with Dean and staying away from Sam." Ruby rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Anna, You need to work on your 'rebel without a cause' thing, so your homework is to just relax and let Bobby or anyone else make decisions for you. Bobby has the final say if someone trys to take advantage of the situation."

"Ok, that's not so bad," said Anna,

"And you aren't allowed to touch Dean for 24 hours." Anna fell out of her chair.

"Uriel, your homework is simple: control your anger for 24 hours. That means no yelling and no violence." The assembled people burst into laughter again. Uriel silenced them with a glare.

"And Castiel, you have to do the opposite of Anna, make all of your own decisions and express your feelings for 24 hours." He was met with silence.

"Starting in three, two one." Nobody spoke. Bobby ordered them all to get up and leave. When the door clicked shut for the last time that day, Randolph collapsed onto his chair. He was found two hours later in fetal position. But he was safe, for the next 24 hours. He hoped.

There you go! Hope it was up to snuff!

Shooshkipoo


	4. Disney Movies

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. I do own the therapist though.

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The seven stepped outside into the parking lot. Nobody had said a word since leaving the office. Castiel was the first to speak.

"I think we should go to the video store now!" Dean gave him an odd look.

"What? You and Ruby have some happy Disney movies to watch, if I remember correctly." Dean and Ruby shot Castiel identical glares while the others cracked up again.

"Ok, we're going to the video store." said Bobby, "Ruby, Anna and Uriel come with me." Ruby and Anna stayed silent, though Anna shot a nervous glance at Uriel. Sam and Dean nodded, but Cas said,

"Oh no, Sam hasn't had a burrito today, has he?" Dean burst out laughing. Sam didn't. He looked at Uriel, who was still wearing his standard pissed-off expression.

"I just thought of something. What happens if Uriel does lose his temper?" Uriel's glared darkened.

"Maybe we should spray him in the nose with water." laughed Anna.

"Nah," said Castiel calmly, "as fun as that would be, it wouldn't do much."

"What do you suggest then?" asked Ruby, with a sarcastic note in her voice.

"I'm thinking a tazer would work well." Sam and Dean looked shocked at Castiel's idea, Uriel looked furious and Anna looked torn between amusement and fear. Ruby however, held up her hand for a high-five.

"I like the way you think!" Without hesitation, Castiel slapped Ruby's hand, wearing a smile of his own. Now Dean looked nervous.

"Um Cas? I think she's a bad influence on you." Sam turned away to hide his laughter. Anna spoke up softly,

"Bobby? Can we go to the video store now?" Bobby nodded, but Uriel interrupted,

"And what happens if any of the mud-monkeys don't do their homework?" Bobby met Uriel's eyes coolly,

"I'll think of something. Maybe locking them in a room with you would be a good punishment." The group held their breath. It had only been ten minutes and Uriel looked furious. They could almost see the threatening storm cloud forming around Uriel...until his face split into a big toothy grin.

"Why would that be punishment?" he asked cheerfully, "I love you guys!" Sam and Dean cowered behind Castiel who only looked mildly disturbed. Ruby rolled her eyes yet again. Uriel turned his gaze on Anna. He advanced, the grin getting bigger,

"Come on Sissy, give me a hug!" Anna backed away so fast that she tripped over her feet and fell.

"Just get in the car!" groaned Bobby.

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Thankfully for Castiel, Sam had not had a burrito today. But that didn't stop Dean from breaking into chuckles every few minutes. Sam was surprised to find that he didn't mind all that much; it was nice seeing Dean laugh again- even if it was at his expense. So their car ride wasn't all that bad. Anna couldn't say the same.

Bobby had taken pity on her and given her the front seat, sticking Uriel in the back. Unfortunately, Uriel had snagged the seat directly behind her and was getting great enjoyment out of leaning forward and either making a scary face or making a sudden loud noise. Occasionally, he did that scary eye-glowy glare thing of his, making sure that when Anna looked, all she could see were his eyes. Bobby secretly thought that if Anna wasn't already in therapy, this might drive her to it.

"Uriel, you damned idjit, sit still and shut up!" bellowed Bobby after Anna jumped and squeaked for the seventeenth time (yes, he was keeping track). Uriel smiled innocently and sat back in his seat, his eyes still fixed unblinkingly on the back of Anna's head. She trembled in her seat. Eventually, Rogers came into view and Bobby sighed in relief. Ruby did too, though she hadn't said a word all car ride. She was busy contemplating if this was an experiment for a new form of hell. She thought it was working quite well.

The Impala rolled into the space beside Bobby's. Sam, Dean and Castiel stepped out looking calmer than Bobby had seen them in weeks. Sam even shot a shy smile at his brother that Dean returned. (Castiel ruined the moment slightly by going 'Awwwwwww!', but the feeling was there) Anna flung the door open and ran towards Dean, all set to throw herself into his arms when Castiel and Sam stepped in front of Dean and Ruby grabbed Anna's arms. Uriel simply pointed a finger and shouted,

"VIOLATIONNNNNNN!!!" until Bobby smacked him. Dean peered out between Castiel and Sam's shoulders (He had to jump a little bit to see over Sam's.) to see Anna practically writhing in Ruby's grasp.

"Don't... want to be here..." she moaned almost incoherently, 'scary...scary...' Ruby looked disgusted, but kept her hold. Dean wanted to help, but knew he couldn't. He looked at Sam. After a few seconds, Sam's stony expression melted.

"Ruby; let her go." She was too happy to oblige. He knelt down beside Anna who had fallen to the ground.

"It's ok," he said gently, "I won't let Uriel get you." Anna whimpered in response. "Tell you what, if he fails his homework, you and I will help Bobby think of punishment. How does that sound?" Anna looked up into Sam's expressive hazel eyes. She nodded. Smiling a little, Sam helped her to her feet. Dean's heart swelled with pride; this was the Sam he'd been missing. Bobby caught Dean's eye and smiled too. Uriel was not amused. Castiel was.

"Oooooh, you're in for it now!" Uriel decided then and there that when he was allowed to lose his temper, he was heading straight for Castiel.

Reading Uriel's expression, Bobby figured this would be a good time to usher the six patients into the video store, pick a movie and then get them far away from innocent bystanders.

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Ruby had thought she had it bad before, but she had clearly never been in the children's section of Roger's video. With Hannah Montana leering at her from one side and Strawberry Shortcake from the other, she was close to tears. So many colours, and smiling...she fought back a shudder. Bobby bit back a laugh. Dean was hardly faring any better; every time Sam or Castiel made a suggestion, Dean's left eye visibly twitched. Neither Sam nor Cas was making any attempt at all to hide their glee,

"Ooh, you should watch Cinderella!" said Sam enthusiastically,

"No!" Cut in Castiel, "He has to watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs!" Sam let out a snort of laughter when Dean literally had to hold back bile.

"I like this one." Said Anna softly, holding up 'The Little Mermaid'. Ruby and Dean gaped at her.

"I am NOT watching that," Ruby hissed, once she regained speech.

"Oh yes you are," snapped Bobby, "You kids are taking forever, so unless you find a different movie in the next five seconds..." Ruby didn't answer, but a glare is worth a thousand words. Without taking her eyes off Bobby, she reached over and grabbed a random DVD off the shelf. When the group erupted into laughter, she glanced at the cover and dropped it in horror, unable to hide her shudder. 'Enchanted' looked innocently back.

"That's the other one we're getting. Now, move out!" ordered Bobby. Sam decided that there was nothing funnier than watching Dean and Ruby hold Disney movies in front of them as far as they could go, with the DVDs pinched between their forefingers and thumbs with identical looks of disgust.

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"Ok everyone,"sang Uriel, "Dean and Ruby need some alone time!" Ruby and Dean looked at each other and looked away. Through a chorus of encouraging catcalls, courtesy of Uriel and occasionally Castiel and Anna, the pair shuffled towards Bobby's couch and plopped themselves down. Uriel, popped 'The Little Mermaid' into the player, beaming. Sam scratched the back of his head.

"So Anna," he said awkwardly, "since we can basically do whatever we want except be in here, wanna go somewhere?" Anna nodded. Castiel looked between Sam and Anna.

"I'm not staying with Uriel all by myself!" he followed Sam and Anna out of the room, followed by a still gleeful Uriel.

The movie began, and the sailors began to sing.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Dean muttered. Ruby nodded her agreement. Ursula entered the scene and Dean's eyes went wide in surprise while Ruby said,

"I think I like her."

As the movie went on, the snide comments trailed off and soon they were watching the movie almost intently. An hour and a half later, as Ariel married the man she had fought so hard for and her father cast a rainbow in the sky, the atmosphere in the room had completely changed. Dean had one lone tear trailing down his cheek while Ruby had her head tipped to the side thoughtfully. They didn't make sweet and romantic seem like such bile inducing terms. Ursula had still been her favourite character though.

"Dean?" said Ruby quietly, after a short pause,

"Yeah?" answered Dean, just as quietly. Ruby's face split into a smile,

"I have an idea for our bonding activity."

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A/N: I'm going to have lots of fun writing the next chapter I think. Be sure to let me know what you thought of this one though. Is the story getting better, or is it just getting gradually sillier and out of character? Drop me a line!

Shooshkipoo


	5. Bonding Activities and Dance Lessons?

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the Disney movies.

Warning: This story is going to get pretty silly; everybody is going to be pretty out of character. I hope you find it funny, I know I do, just because everyone on the show is so serious all the time.

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Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Lay it on me."

"We're going to need a bit of information first," admitted Ruby, "But," she leaned over and whispered her basic plan in Dean's ear. By the end, Dean was grinning like a little kid on Christmas day.

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"Let me get this straight," said Castiel, pacing, "You want me to provide you with information that could potentially involve my getting killed?" Ruby and Dean shifted on the spot,

"It's for a good cause," Dean offered sheepishly, "tell him Ruby." Ruby repeated her idea to Cas, who had a similar reaction to Dean. He paused for a moment, pondering this information,

"I have decided to help you."

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Uriel sat cross-legged on the floor, his eyes shut, face composed. He didn't even twitch when Ruby and Dean entered the room, grinning maniacally.

Dean, for one, was astonished at Ruby's creativity, and how easy this was turning out to be. He stepped back and admired their handiwork.

"We done good." Said Dean. Ruby looked thoughtful for a moment, and then took out her cell phone. After snapping a few pictures, she looked at Dean and grinned,

"Now, we done good."

**2 hours later.**

Dean had just finished teaching Castiel and Ruby to play Bullshit when a great roar shook the walls of Bobby's tiny house.

"FILTHY SCUM!!!!!!" The three leapt to their feet. Castiel took one look at Uriel and fell right back down again. Uriel gave his brother a death glare, which was enough to make Dean and Ruby start laughing as well. They'd have to search for a while to find something funnier than a pissed off Uriel wearing a long bright red wig, two purple plates on his chest, with his legs strapped securely in a garbage bag. Sam and Anna heard Uriel shout and ran to the scene. Sam blinked a couple of times; trying to make sure he wasn't going crazy. When he realized that he was actually seeing big scary Uriel dressed up as the Little Mermaid, he pulled out his cell phone as well and snapped as many pictures as he could through his guffaws. Anna made sure she was well hidden behind Sam before laughing herself.

"Who did this?" demanded Uriel, directing his glare to everyone in the room. It landed on Dean and Ruby; he began to advance when Castiel stopped him.

"Uriel, remember your homework." Uriel stopped, his glare intensifying.

"That's a good look for you, Uriel." said Anna boldly, peering out from behind Sam, "I always knew you had a feminine side."

"Don't be mean Anna," chided Dean, "He just wants to be part of your world!" the room exploded with laughter. The volume was enough to bring Bobby into the room. He looked at the five assembled adults practically rolling on the floor and then he looked at Uriel. Bobby turned around and walked away.

Uriel marched over to Dean and Ruby and spoke very softly,

"You will pay for this. I promise." And he stalked off. Dean wiped the tears from his eyes, his other hand holding his ribs.

"That was freaking priceless!"

"What did I tell you? I'm awesome!" She and Dean high-fived.

"Cas you were right! Uriel didn't even open his eyes when we came in!" Cas looked uncomfortable,

"As hilarious as this was, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Uriel that I informed you of how dead to the world he is during meditation." Anna's jaw dropped.

"Castiel, you didn't!" Castiel's sheepish grin mirrored Dean's.

"It was for a good cause?" Dean beamed.

"I've taught you well."

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7:30 pm. 20 hours and 30 minutes to go. Sam shifted in his seat. Once Uriel had disappeared and everyone had managed to stop laughing, Anna gently reminded him that he and Ruby weren't supposed to be in the same room. So he and Anna returned to their room upstairs.

"I'm bored." He sighed, "What do you want to do?" Anna shrugged,

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

7:45 pm.

"What do you want to do?"

"I know!" exclaimed Anna, "I've always wanted to learn to dance. Can you dance, Sam?" Sam blinked, bemused,

"Yeah, Jess taught me a little." He stared off into space for a moment, remembering her.

"Sam?"

"Oh, sorry. It's just; she died a few years ago. I'm still not completely over it." Anna placed a soothing hand on his shoulder,

"I'm sorry." He gave her a small smile,

"It's ok. Want me to teach you what I can remember?" Anna nodded vigorously, taking Sam's hand and standing up. "Alright, you need to put this hand on my shoulder," he instructed, putting it in place for her. Hesitantly putting his hand on her waist, Sam instructed,

"Now take a step back, and then to the right," Anna stumbled a little, following Sam's guide. Within a few minutes, she was dancing like a pro,

"I've got it!" she exclaimed gleefully,

"You've got it!" laughed Sam. Grinning, Anna pulled away from Sam.

"Now we need music!" She pranced to Bobby's computer and started 'Hot n Cold'. Head banging to the beat, she whirled around and pointed at Sam,

"You change your mind," she pointed at her head, "like a girl changes clothes," she gestured towards her clothes.

"You PMS like a bitch," Sam shuddered, then pointed at himself, "I would know." Anna laughed and acted out the next line. When the chorus came, the two miraculously did the same thing:

Cuz you're hot- _wipe forehead_

And you're cold- _shiver_

You're yes- _nod_

And you're no- _shake head_

You're in- _jump forward_

And you're out- _jump back_

We fight we break up-_ punch air_

We kiss we make-up-_ kiss air_

And then during the instrumentals, they did something called the 'Penguin Dance' (put arms down at sides with hands horizontal and sort of sway back and forth). As the song went on, Sam and Anna got more and more creative and enthusiastic with their actions. By the last instrumental, they were waltzing around the room. Laughing, Sam spun Anna around and dipped her. Their faces were an inch apart.

The door burst open. It was Ruby. Her brown eyes flicked between Sam and Anna and then turned black.

"Dean!" screamed Anna. Dean was there in a flash. When he saw Sam and Anna's position, he simply raised an eyebrow at this little brother.

"Dean, I swear it's not what it looks like," Dean threw out an arm to stop Ruby, whose ebony gaze was fixed on Anna. Sam hastily removed his hand from her waist.

"Yeah Dean, he was teaching me to dance." Ruby's eyes returned to brown.

"You dance?" she asked incredulously. Sam shifted on the spot. "This I have got to see." Ruby sat down in a chair and crossed her legs, looking at Sam expectantly. Dean chuckled,

"He doesn't have to. I can do a great impersonation of Sam dancing." Dean proceeded to lollop around like an ape with overly long limbs. Ruby smirked and Anna giggled.

"Oh yeah? Here's what Dean looks like when he dances," Sam did a sexy turn and focused on Anna. He sauntered towards her, slowly slipping his jacket off his shoulders and waggling his eyebrows. Anna turned bright red and giggled some more. Sam stopped and did some sort of odd shoulder shimmy before completely removing his jacket. Ruby's eyebrows shot up when she got a good look at Sam's arms. Nobody was paying attention to her. Dean was busy objecting to Sam's impression of him,

"That was all wrong!" he was saying, "Your saunter looked more like a waddle and your eyebrow waggling was just plain scary!" Sam looked amused,

"Oh I'm so sorry," he taunted, "Please demonstrate for us all." Dean took the bait.

"Fine, I will!" He jabbed a finger at each Anna and Ruby, "You girls are the judges; who's the hotter better dancer? Me or Sam?"

"Hotter Better Dancer?" asked Sam,

"Shut up, and start the music."

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A/N: Who will win? Duh duh duh...The Hot n Cold dance is property of sean and dammy, she just let me borrow it. Be sure to drop me a review letting me know what you thought!

Cheers,

Shooshkipoo


	6. The Hotter Better Dancer

Disclaimer: If I owned them, I'd be sure to let everyone in the universe know. But I don't.

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"Watch and learn Sammy," said Dean smoothly, striding over to the computer. Seconds later, Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' was playing.

"Michael Jackson?" asked Sam incredulously,

"Shut up, this is a classic!" To the amazement of everyone in the room, Dean did the entire dance- and somehow managed to look good doing it. Dean shot a smirk at Sam and without missing a beat, slipped his over shirt off, leaving him in a plain black t-shirt that clung to his defined arm and chest muscles. Two pairs of pupils dilated. The song ended and Dean threw his arms up in triumph, the shirt riding up just enough for the girls to get a peek at his abs. Sam crossed his arms and frowned.

"Ok," said Dean proudly, "can we get some feedback from our judges?" He looked at Anna who stuttered and almost fell off her chair. Once she regained her composure, she brushed her red hair out of her face and said quietly,

"You're a ten." Dean beamed,

"Ruby?" Ruby cocked her head to the side,

"You managed to make Michael Jackson look sexy, but it was still Michael Jackson. I'll give you a nine." Sam's jaw dropped. Ruby just shrugged.

"It's your turn Sam." She reminded him. Sam moved towards the computer, but Dean beat him to it.

"It's ok Sam; I have the perfect song for you." A metal guitar riff began to play. It only took Sam a few seconds to identify the song

"I Am The Douche Bag? You're making me dance to that??" Dean grinned in response.

"Tick tock Sammy, the girls aren't giving you points to just stand there." Sam's eyes narrowed,

"We'll see who's laughing by the end of this,"

Sam's dance was not choreographed; he made up the entire flamboyant thing on his own. He wowed the crowd of three with an assortment of ninja kicks, jumps, shuffling, shimmies, and ended with the big finale of jumping in the air, kicking up his heels and landing on his feet with his arms flexed. Dean was unimpressed, but then again, he wasn't a judge.

"Anna?" said Sam, slightly out of breath,

"You get points for making it up as you went, but you didn't take anything off so I'll have to give you an eight."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried Dean, spinning around and clapping his hands,

"Eleven." said Ruby, without batting an eye. Dean stopped spinning, furious. "I've seen Sam in all his glory," she said to Anna, ignoring Dean's affronted expression, "believe me, it's good." Sam blushed. Dean looked mildly sick.

"Ok, putting an end to the disturbing imagery; that puts us both at nineteen points over all. Now what?"

Anna thought for a moment,

"CAS!" she shouted, catching everyone off guard.

"Yes?"

The girls grinned,

"We need a third opinion," explained Anna,

"Yeah," said Ruby, "We're trying to decide who the hotter better dancer is." She said this last part with a smirk.

"So far it's a tie." Finished Anna. Castiel fixed his piercing blue eyes on each person in turn.

"I've decided to help judge this competition." He took a seat beside Ruby. Then he stood up again,

"I've decided that you will both dance to this song,"

The song began and both of the Winchesters gaped at Castiel in horror.

"You're not serious?" said Dean, still looking scared

"When am I not serious?" asked Castiel sweetly, "now, get to it." Sam and Dean exchanged looks and began to dance

_Backstreet's back alright!_

After getting over the sight of the Winchester brothers imitating the Backstreet Boys, the judges had to admit that although it was weird for them to know the proper dance; they both did a good job of it. The song was only half done when Bobby entered the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked slowly, almost not believing his eyes. Sam and Dean froze mid-pose, apparently dumbstruck.

"They're both trying to win the title Hotter Better Dancer," said Ruby, smirking again. She still couldn't say that with a straight face.

"And," added Castiel, "if the other judges agree with me, I've decided that anyone who enters the room is entered in the competition." Dean's mouth twitched, Sam's eyes widened, Anna giggled and Ruby's expression didn't change.

"Now hang on a second," Bobby began to protest,

"Sorry Bobby," said Anna, "I have to agree with what Cas says." She got up and clicked a random song. Bobby still looked indignant, but when he heard the song, he went and lay down on the couch. Eye of the Tiger played on, with the judges looking confused.

Rising up- _Bobby sat up slowly_

Back on the street- _he extended an arm, lip-synching the words_. Everyone was completely silent, just watching Bobby.

It's the eye of the tiger- _point at eyes_

It's the thrill of the fight- _point at Dean_

Rising up- _point both arms up_

To the challenge of our rivals- _gesture at Sam_

And the last known survivor- _leg guitar_

Is watching us all with the eye- _stand_

Of the tiger- _raise arms in triumph. _

"Why didn't I think of that?" remarked Dean. Sam was still speechless.

"The verdict, ladies and gentleman?" asked Bobby, trying to hide a smirk of his own. Castiel, Anna and Ruby each got out a piece of paper and wrote out their choice for the winner.

"The moment of truth," murmured Castiel dramatically. The three judges held their papers for everyone to see.

Anna: Bobby (sorry Dean)

Castiel: Bobby

Ruby: Bobby

The Winchesters were rendered speechless for the umpteenth time that night. Bobby simply bowed and walked away, a small twinkle in his eye the only indication that the last five minutes had even taken place.

"Sorry boys, clearly neither of you are the Hotter Better Dancer. Goodbye."

"That's it Cas, I'm not letting you watch any more game shows! They're messing with your head." Castiel regarded Dean coolly,

"I have decided to go watch 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire', just because you said not to. And I'd like you to know that I think you're bossy." Cas vanished.

"And short." Dean frowned. Sam smiled innocently back. Ruby and Anna looked at each other.

"Hey Ruby," asked Anna hesitantly. Ruby raised an eyebrow. Figuring this was enough invitation to go on, Anna continued,

"Is it true that Sam has a tattoo on his chest?" Sam and Dean both stared at her. Ruby grinned devilishly (how appropriate),

"Yep." Anna's eyes widened,

"Wow..." she breathed,

"What about Dean? Has he really got handprints on his shoulders?"

"We're still here!" said Dean loudly, but neither girl paid any attention to him

"Uh huh, and surprisingly, they were pretty hot."

"Erm, can you girls take this conversation somewhere else? Before you say something about Dean that I really really don't need to know?" asked Sam uncomfortably. Anna and Ruby shrugged, then got up and left. Sam and Dean looked at each other awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Whether this is a good thing or not, just as Sam opened his mouth to speak Anna burst through the door, her hair dishevelled and her face terrified. She moved towards Dean, but remembering her homework, froze on the spot and began hyperventilating.

"Anna? Anna!" asked Sam urgently, grasping her shoulders, "What's wrong?" Dean inched forward, concerned,

"He-h-he att-att-attacked me. S-s-sort o-of."

"Who attacked you?" demanded Sam, "What did he do?"

"J-j-j-ja-s-son, jumped o-out at m-m-me."

"Jason?" asked Dean, now thoroughly confused, "From Friday the 13th?" Anna nodded frantically,

"He, er, doesn't exist, Anna." Said Sam gently.

"Ur-r-riel, h-hockey-y mask...scary!"Anna's trembling reached a new level. Sam shot Dean an exasperated glance, then he looked around an noticed,

"Wait a second, where's"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" the anguished cry racked the household. Sam, Dean turned slowly to face each other, terrified,

"Oh no, Dean," breathed Sam, "Uriel's got Ruby!"

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A/N: Who saw that coming? Hopefully nobody, but drop me a line and let me know. Also, if you have any requests for the characters to do something in the story, I'll try and work it in. Story like this; shouldn't be too hard. To see the dances, check out the Thriller music video, the season 4 gag reel and Jensen Ackles dancing to Eye of the Tiger.

Cheers!

Shooshkipoo


	7. Uriel's Revenge part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters. I just like to make them do funny things.

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"What did you think of that?" asked Uriel pleasantly. Ruby moaned; if she were still human, she was sure she'd be in tears.

"No..." she groaned, "no more."

"No more what? This?" He held up the 'Sonny with a Chance' DVD case again.

"NOOOOO!" Ruby wailed, "Take it away, please!"

"Take it away? But I wanted to watch it with you, have a little bonding ourselves." Grinning wickedly, he popped a disc into the player. Ruby's eyes rolled back into her head and she prayed for death.

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"Why are we just sitting here, Dean? We've got to save Ruby!" He charged for the door, but Dean grabbed his arm.

"Are you insane? If we just charge in there, Uriel will capture us both and we'll need Anna to save us!" Anna didn't even get offended; it was a valid point.

"What's Uriel going to do? He can't kill us; that would involve violence." Dean looked seriously at Sam,

"There are worse things than physical pain, little brother;" he said wisely, "Who knows what he might do if he has to get creative?" Sam blanched. "Exactly."

It took a moment for Sam to regain his composure, but when he did he said,

"Then we need to think of a plan, we can't leave her there for too long."

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_Consider this a second bonding activity, Bitch. _Dean griped, wondering how Sam had convinced him to be bait. He sighed,

"I'm doing this for you Sam, not her." He said to himself before taking a deep breath and singing at the top of his lungs,

"POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS! IN PAIN! IN NEED! URIEL'S LONGING TO BE THINNER AND HE SCARED AWAY THE GIRL! POOR UNFORTUNATE SOUUUUUUUUUULS!"

Uriel stiffened, turning slowly towards the basement door. Dean's horrible singing came through loud and clear, despite the closed door.

"I admit that Uriel's always been a nasty, they weren't kidding when they said he wears a thong! But you'll find that nowadays, he showing off his ways and he looks stylish in a dress!" He returned to his version of the chorus. Ruby had to fight not to let her jaw drop. She was slightly less successful at hiding her snicker. Uriel rounded on her.

"Think that's funny do you? Let's see how funny you find this," he said, stalking towards her, eyes glowing.

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Dean had to admit he was enjoying this; the genius lyrics just kept coming. By now, he figured he'd completely invented at least three extra verses. He began to sort of dance on the spot, getting into his groove. With his eyes shut he sang the chorus gleefully and spun around- finding him face to face with Uriel. Uriel smiled. Dean made a strangled noise.

"What's the matter Ariel?" asked Dean, hiding his terror.

"Nothing Mud-monkey. I simply came up here to praise your creativity," he lunged forward just a little and chuckled when Dean scrambled backwards, 'And your bravery."

Meanwhile, Sam had snuck past the intense confrontation and into the basement.

"Ruby?" He heard a rustle of movement, "Ruby are you ok?

"Mhm." Sam furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and turned a corner,

"Ruby, what did Ur-" Sam's question died in his throat as he stared at Ruby, horror-struck.

She was sitting on the floor, her silky brown hair tied up into a ponytail and wearing a shiny pink halter-top, but that wasn't the worst of it. She was _cuddling_ Bobby's puppy. She was letting it _lick_ her _face._ And, this was the part that had Sam stumbling back, blindly grabbing something to support him; Ruby was _smiling. _Not smirking, actually smiling.

"Hey, Sam!" she beamed when she saw him, "Wanna hold the puppy? He's sooooooooooooooo cute!" She batted her eyelashes at him and Sam ran up the stairs. Uriel was gone, but Dean was leaning against the wall looking as though if it were to vanish, he'd fall over.

"What the hell Sam?" he demanded, seeing that Sam was alone, "where's—" He stopped when he saw Sam's expression, "Sam? What's wrong? You look like you just saw a clown." Sam shook his head slowly, as though dazed. He stood beside his brother and slid to the floor, his back against the wall,

"Ruby...isn't Ruby anymore." He tilted his head to the side, staring straight ahead, "It looked like her, sort of, but it couldn't have been her..."

"Why not?" asked Dean. Sam didn't look at him, but answered,

"She...she...smiled at me." Dean slid down the wall with a thump.

"We were too late," Dean put a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder, "I'm sorry Bro, I did everything I could."

"I know you did," murmured Sam, glancing at Dean shyly. They were disturbed from their small brotherly moment when Bobby called,

"Dinner time, idjits!"

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Dinner was awkward at first. Uriel ate his food with a smug smile firmly in place, Anna's eyes kept darting between Uriel and Dean's arms; she was starting to feel the burn of her homework, Castiel's eyes were fixed on his plate as he examined each and every piece of food, Dean was keeping a wary eye on Uriel as well; trying to anyway, Bobby had made burgers, making it hard for Dean to focus on anything else. Sam was openly staring at Ruby, his fork occasionally missing his mouth; he was trying to figure out what Uriel had done to her and how to fix it. He was more nervous around the happy, puppy cuddling Ruby than he was around the Ruby that stabbed a knife through people's necks. _Huh._ Sam thought to himself after this revelation hit. _Maybe I do need therapy!_

Ruby's brown eyes had taken a doe-like quality to them and they kept drifting towards Sam. Normally the sight of him made her want to...well, you get the picture, but right now, all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and rest her head on his shoulder. Stupid homework, now that she wanted to cuddle, she wasn't allowed. How disappointing. Bobby surveyed the silent table in exasperation. He couldn't eat; all the excitement today had him wishing for nothing more than a nap. Sadly, he was the only thing stopping everyone at this table from brawling. He decided to take a stab at seeing if there had been any progress at all.

"So, how's therapy going for everyone so far?"

"I've decided to star on the show 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'." Castiel deadpanned.

"Ok, good for you Cas. Anyone else?"

"Uriel scared me!" Anna shrieked out of nowhere. Uriel shrugged innocently,

"How was I to know that trying on the old hockey mask I found and walking around the house would make Anna freak out?"

"Bull!" cried Anna, "You've known I'm scared of Friday the 13th ever since Raphael got bored and wanted to have movie night last month!" Dean raised his eyebrows,

"Angels have movie night? And watch horror films on movie night?"

"We like to shake our heads at the things humans come up with." said Castiel by way of explanation.

"Moving on," cut in Sam, gesturing wildly at Ruby, "Are you seeing this? Uriel did something to her!"

Uriel shrugged again, but his smile had a touch more menace to it this time,

"We had bonding time; we watched 'Sonny with a Chance'." Sam slumped back into his chair, aghast.

"Bobby, tell me you aren't putting up with this!" Bobby scrubbed a hand over his beard,

"I'm sorry Sam, but Uriel hasn't been angry or violent; he's not breaking any rules." Sam and Dean looked at each other very slowly. A scary smile crept up Uriel's face and he began to chuckle.

They were doomed.

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A/N: No offense to anyone who likes Sonny with a Chance, I know I tend to bash Disney channel people a lot in my stories. I just can't stand that show! Although, I'm considering working in a chapter where Cas goes on a game show, but the homework is only 24 hours long. What do you faithful readers think?

Drop me a line!

Shooshkipoo


	8. Brotherly Moments and Practice

Disclaimer: It pains me every time I write something to do this, but I don't own Supernatural or its characters

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After dinner, Anna and to everyone's surprise, Ruby stayed in the kitchen to help Bobby clean up. Uriel stalked off to the basement, after doing his scary eye-glowy thing again. Castiel asked Sam and Dean to help him train for when he went on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'. The brothers had nothing else to do, so they agreed. Dean almost flipped out when Castiel confused AC/DC with Bon Jovi. Sam on the other hand was still trying to think of a way to get Ruby back to her old, admittedly bitchy self.

Speaking of said bitch, she was washing a knife and humming distractedly- a little too distractedly,

"Ouch!" exclaimed Ruby, after accidentally slicing her hand open.

"Ruby!" Sam stood up and hurried over to her; "Are you..." he trailed off, mesmerized as a drop of Ruby's blood dripped off her hand and seemed to fall in slow-motion before splashing on the floor. His pupils dilated and his mouth opened slightly. The next thing Sam knew, Dean was forcefully dragging him from the kitchen and Bobby was taking Ruby into another room to bandage her hand.

Dean all but threw Sam into Bobby's bedroom and locked the door. Dean spun around, all set to launch an angry tirade at his brother, but it caught on his tongue. Sam had his back turned and had his fists clenched at his sides. Years of experience told Dean that he was trying not to cry.

"Sam?" he asked gently, "You alright?" Sam turned around, puppy-eyes turned up full blast. He chewed his bottom lip for a few moments, looking like he wanted to say something, but then turned back around.

"Sam." Said Dean firmly, "Time to do your homework. Talk to me, man." Sam took a deep breath and walked over to Bobby's bed, almost collapsing on it.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, "I was doing fine until I smelled...it," a look of disgust passed over his features,

"I never meant for it to get this bad. I just..." Dean sat down beside his brother and looked at him, patiently waiting for him to continue,

"I started off with good intentions, I really did. I was trying to help you." Dean's eyebrows shot up,

"Help me?" Sam swallowed, fighting back tears,

"You've been different ever since you came back from hell. I don't know; you seemed more convinced than ever that anything demonic was bad and that included me." Dean's mouth fell open, but Sam kept talking,

"I was afraid of telling you about drinking the blood because I," Sam stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose; he was starting to feel light-headed.

"I was afraid you'd leave me again."

"Sam!" exclaimed Dean, hurt "I wouldn't," Sam looked into his eyes, unable to hold back two tears,

"You tried." He reminded Dean miserably, "Remember Jack Montgomery? You punched me and said that you'd," a few more tears fell, "you'd want to hunt me." Dean rubbed his temple, head reeling. He could feel tears of his own welling up,

"Sam," he murmured, shaking his head, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it." Dean looked at his little brother, almost seeing him in a new light; he'd forgotten how six-foot infinity Sam managed to look so small and lost.

"I was scared Sam," Dean admitted quietly, "Scared of how much you'd changed, scared that Ruby was using your gentle nature against you, twisting things around to make them seem not so bad." The tears began to fall,

"A big part of it was that, you didn't seem to need me anymore." A haze fell over Dean's vision and he took a shaky breath,

"I used to be the one who kept your nightmares away, the one you turned to first. But when I came back," he gave a small laugh, contradicted by the fall of more tears, "You were all grown up. It felt like you'd turned into Dad overnight. Now you were the one all gung-ho to fight evil and I was still trying to get over being in hell."

Sam stood up, swaying slightly on the spot and knelt down in front of his big brother,

"I will always need you." He stated with conviction, "I'm sorry I've disappointed you, but please try to understand; I was all alone. Ruby was the only person left on earth who even seemed to give a crap about me and so I clung to her." Sam fought back a sob, "I wish you'd never made that deal Dean. Then none of this would have happened."

"Sam, we've been through this. Making that deal was selfish, I know, but I couldn't let you die. Living without you, I'd have been in even worse shape than you were. I didn't have a Ruby to tell me to get my ass in gear." Dean stopped, taking a moment to pull himself together,

"I think you already know this, but I decided a long time ago that life wouldn't be worth living without you. Hell, half the time, you were the only reason I didn't put a gun in my mouth. As long as I had something to live for," Dean bowed his head, abandoning all attempts to contain his tears. Sam, tears running freely down his face as well, put a hand under Dean's chin and tipped it up so they were eye-to-eye,

"You're worth a lot more than you think you are." Dean clenched his eyes shut and pulled Sam towards him. Wrapping his arms around his little brother, Dean pressed his face into Sam's shoulder finally releasing years' worth of tears. Sam returned the hug just as tightly, pulling Dean as close as he possibly could.

"I love you Dean," sobbed Sam, planting a kiss on Dean's temple. Dean lifted his tear stained face from Sam's shoulder,

"I love you too, Sammy." Dean whispered, kissing Sam's hair. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," said Sam, trying to control his voice. Castiel entered the room, his blue eyes downcast.

"Cas, what's wrong?" asked Dean, still not completely releasing his brother,

"I need a hug," Cas mumbled, one small tear running down his face. Dean and Sam stood up, swaying a tiny bit and stumbled over to the puppy-eyed angel. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and Sam wrapped his arms around both of them, gently rubbing Castiel's shoulder soothingly,

"What's the matter?" asked Sam gently

"I don't know what to do." Said the angel sadly, "I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what the right thing is,"

"Well here," said Dean, "Sit, talk to us." The three men sat cross legged in a circle on Bobby's bed.

Castiel hung his head, twiddling his thumbs,

"I'm a bad angel." He murmured, "Angels are supposed to do what God says, because God is always right, but I don't know if my orders come from God anymore. I still want to do what he'd want me to do, but I'm not supposed to have emotions and I don't know what he'd want me to do." Now Cas was crying and slurring his words.

"And if God's not giving the orders, then who is? And why isn't Father stopping them?" Castiel covered his face with his hands, "I hate not knowing what to do," his voice was slightly muffled. Dean and Sam exchanged soulful looks and pried Cas's hands off his face. Dean put two hands on Castiel's shoulders,

"You're not a bad angel," he said firmly, going cross-eyed for only a moment, "You're a goooooooood angel."

"Yeah Cas," said Sam staring at Castiel's ear rather than his face, "It's times like this when you have to do what feels right to you."

"But I'm not supposed to feel anything!" cried Castiel. Dean reached up and wiped a tear from the angel's face,

"You're clearly feeling something. You've got to trust yourself!" he emphasized this by pressing his other hand against Castiel's heart. Castiel covered Dean's hand with his own,

"Thank you, Dean." He whisper-sobbed, pulling Dean to him and kissing his forehead. Releasing Dean, he turned to Sam,

"And you, you have such a large weight on your shoulders, I'm sorry I haven't made it any easier. Come here," He kissed Sam on the forehead as well. Sam and Dean both leaned over and kissed Castiel's cheeks.

"You guys are the best," slurred Dean, slinging one arm around Castiel and the other around Sam, "I'm so glad we had this talk!" Castiel nodded in agreement. Sam jumped up,

"We should play a game!" Dean jumped up too,

"I know! I know! How's about I teach you both to play poker?"

"Ok!" said Sam, jumping up and down and almost falling over. Castiel tipped his head to the side,

"What is poker? Is it similar to Bullshit?" Sam's jaw dropped at hearing Castiel utter such profanity, but Dean just laughed,

"Sort of, it's another card game that involves lying." Castiel rolled his eyes, then needed to take a minute to re-orient himself.

**9:30 pm**

Castiel was dreadful at poker. Only he didn't think so, none of them really had any idea what was going on anymore.

"Sho you sheeeeeeeeee," said Dean, his eyes half-lidded and unfocused, "R-royal flushessss are BAD because, 'cause they forgot to flush the toilet, making it a, a shtinky hand, get it?" Castiel nodded solemnly,

"I undershtand."

"Wait wait wait" said Sam, holding up his hands dramatically, "Wait. I have a confession to make and I have to make it now."

"Fire away Sammy!" roared Dean, genially, dropping the cards everywhere. Sam leapt to his feet, fell down, stood up slowly and announced,

"I'm in love with Ruby! I want to ask her to marry me!" Castiel tipped over and hit the floor without a single change in his expression. Dean got to his feet and stumbled forward, grasping Sam's shirt in his hands to stay upright. He looked as seriously as he could into his brother's eyes- damn it, Sam wouldn't stop _moving-_ and said solemnly,

"Are you sure Sam? That's what you really want?" Sam nodded, partly because he was answering yes and partly because Dean's hair kept turning different colors of the rainbow and it was cool.

"Then," said Dean, cupping Sam's face in his hands, "I'm here for you. I'll even try to be niiiiiiiice to her." Sam beamed, but then looked sad.

"What's wrong Sam?" asked Castiel, firmly grasping the bedpost for support.

"I'm not sure what to do. Jess died before I had the chance to ask her."

"OK," said Castiel holding up a hand (the other was still clutching the bedpost) "I know what to do here, marriage is a gift from God." Dean raised an eyebrow,

"And Anna made us watch chick-flicks on movie night for three weeks. Anyway, Dean, you be Ruby."

Dean pointed at Cas and opened his mouth to speak, but then forgot what he was going to say. He remembered again after about ten seconds,

"Cuddly Ruby or, or normal Ruby?"

"Normal Ruby please," said Sam, shuddering at the prospect of being with Cuddly Ruby forever.

Dean crossed his arms and smirked at Sam.

"How's this?"

"That's fine," said Cas impatiently, "Now Sam, go up to her, say something sweet and then get down on one knee," Sam nodded. Squaring his shoulders, he began to walk towards Dean, but tripped over his own feet and landed on his knees in front of her.

"Why Sam, you're so forward!" said Dean in a high voice

"I think that you are amazingly badass." Said Sam, gazing up at 'Ruby'- Dean was actually starting to look like her.

"Not quite what I had in mind, but keep going," said Castiel, arms crossed. Sam looked passionately into 'Ruby's' eyes

"Ruby, will you-"

The door burst open.

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A/N: What did you all think of that? Bet you didn't see this coming either! As usual, please let me know what you thought or if you have any requests. I've already got one, and it should take place next chapter.

Happy Halloween!

Shooshkipoo


	9. Uriel's Revenge part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural and I admit that I kinda got this idea from Kenny vs. Spenny.

Sam leapt to his feet and spun around, trying to see who had entered, but got disoriented and tripped over his feet again- causing him to fall forwards, knocking Dean onto the bed and landing on top of him. Blinking blearily, Dean reached up to try and push Sam off, but strength failed him and he only got as far as putting a hand against Sam's chest.

"Ahem." Sam and Dean both looked at the door to see Ruby swaying back and forth- at least they thought she was. It looked that way.

"Sam." Ruby's voice dripped venom, "what exactly do you think you're doing?" Sam opened and closed his mouth a couple of times; he couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence. Ruby stormed into the room stumbling back and then going forward again.

"I leave you alone for not even four hours and first you cheat on me with that red-haired skank AND your big brother??" Ruby's hair tie smoked and disintegrated, her brown hair falling over her face, eyes flipping to black.

"It's, it's not what it lo-looks like!" wailed Sam, trying to push himself off Dean, only to have his arms give out and fall again- this time landing on Dean's face. Castiel's hand flew up to his mouth. Ruby's jaw dropped. The scene seemed to freeze-nobody moved. Everyone, especially Sam and Dean were far too stunned to

"Not what it looks like, huh?" screamed Ruby, growing steadily more furious, "Teaching Anna to dance, my ass! I suppose you're going to cheat on me with Mr. Trench Coat next!" Castiel shrugged. Sam wrenched his face away from Dean's, his head spinning. He tried to shake his head no; on account of he still couldn't remember how to talk, but that made him more disoriented than ever.

"N-n-n-noooooo! Y-you don't underSTAND!" cried Sam, now successfully on his feet. Ruby held up a hand and Sam found himself slammed up against the wall. Contrary to earlier, the scene exploded into action, Castiel put up a hand of his own to contradict Ruby's attack and Sam fell to the floor. Dean stumbled as fast as he could to his brother's side. Castiel and Ruby locked eyes, the tension rising, each waiting for the other to make the first attack.

"Staaaaaaaring contest." Drawled Castiel.

Bobby ran into the room, closely tailed by Anna. He stared in shock at the mayhem before him. Taking a deep breath, he strode into the room and bellowed,

"Everybody sit down! NOW!" Sam and Dean were already sitting, Castiel and Ruby sat down very slowly, never breaking eye contact.

Back in the basement, Uriel took another handful of popcorn and laughed out loud at the footage he was seeing on the hidden camera. This was just going TOO well.

"Ok. Who wants to tell me exactly what the hell is going on?"

"Sam's a whore!" Ruby shrieked,

"You looked away! I win!" exclaimed Castiel, clapping. Ruby ignored him and continued,

"He's been screwing around first with Anna and then with Dean!" Anna hid behind Bobby.

"I have nooooooooooooooooooot!" protested Sam, trying to crawl towards her but falling yet again. Dean attempted to pull his little brother up, but ended up falling as well, his head resting on Sam's back. Bobby just stared. He looked at Ruby, who was still fuming with her ebony eyes glittering, Castiel who, now that the staring contest was over, was now on the verge of a complete giggle-fit, and the brothers who seemed too exhausted to keep trying to stand, or even get out of their awkward position.

"Are you boys...drunk?" asked Bobby, kneeling down. Dean looked up and pointed a shaky finger at Bobby,

"That is certainly a possibility." He said seriously; so seriously that Bobby thought he'd been faking before, until Dean added

"But I dun remember _drinking_ anyting! Isn't that weird Booby? In that weird?" Sam rolled over slightly to look at Dean to say,

"Dude, you said" he wheezed with laughter, "you said booby!" Both the Winchesters started laughing hysterically. Castiel tipped his head to the side,

"What is funny about the word booby?" he asked. Bobby stood.

"Cas, come here for a sec." A strange look passed over Castiel's face.

"No." He said gleefully, "I don't want to." Sam and Dean looked up, amazed that Castiel was daring to defy the Mighty Bobby. Even Ruby was so surprised that her eyes went back to brown.

"You know what I do want to do?" asked Castiel, his smile bordering on maniacal, "Go on Who Wants to be a Millionaire!" and then he vanished. There was a stunned silence then a mad rush to Bobby's TV.

"Find him!" cried Dean as Sam began flicking through channels, "He doesn't know what it's like out there!" They watched intently, looking for the intoxicated angel. Jeopardy? Nope. Wheel of Fortune? Nope. Zoey 101? There was a moment of excitement when they saw Castiel appear on the screen, say something to offend Jamie Lynn Spears and then vanish again. 6Teen? Nope.

"There!" shrieked Anna jabbing a finger at the TV. Sam saw the show and dropped the remote. Dean just covered his eyes and groaned.

Castiel looked around confusedly; this was most certainly not Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He looked down at his feet; they were stuck in these odd looking boots, forcing him to stand with his legs slightly spread. He was surrounded by bright flashing lights and colours and a cheering audience. He looked at the bearded man next to him. The man had his head bowed; he looked very nervous indeed. And familiar. Cas tilted his head to the side.

"Chuck?" Chuck whipped his head up.

"Castiel??" he practically wailed, "What is going on? I was at home writing the next book and suddenly I was in this thing! I don't like it Cas! I don't like it!" The doors behind them opened with a grand entrance of flashing lights and a smoke machine, a very energetic Asian man leapt onto the stage.

"Time to play, NUTCRACKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Two small tears fell from Chuck's eyes. Castiel stared coldly at the man.

"Release me this instant." He demanded. The Host ignored him

"Chuck Shirley..." He asked a question in rapid Japanese and the timer started ticking away. Chuck looked wildly at him, the colour draining from his face.

"I don't speak Japanese!" He moaned desperately trying to get out of his boots, "I can't understand what you are asking me! Nooooo!" A stick with a ball at the end smacked Chuck in the crotch and he doubled over in pain while the audience cheered and laughed.

Everyone at Bobby's watched the screen in horrid fascination. Sam and Dean's hands unconsciously drifted to their pants, protecting their manhood. Anna had her hand over her mouth and Ruby was smirking. Yep, Bitchy Ruby was back in full throttle.

"Poor Chuck," mumbled Sam. The Asian man on the screen turned to Castiel and everybody gasped with anticipation.

"Castiel." Said the Host solemnly. He asked the question and Castiel just stared at him. See normally, being an angel, Castiel would have been able to translate. But he was just too strung out and confused to remember that.

"I refuse to give in to your demands!" said Castiel angrily. The host just looked at the timer which was rapidly approaching zero and laughed. The stick with the ball smacked Castiel in the crotch. His stony expression didn't change. The audience and crowd at Bobby's all gasped in shock. The host looked astonished. The machine seemed surprised as well; it hit Castiel repeatedly in the crotch but Castiel just continued to stand and glare. The host quailed under the icy blue stare. Castiel took a deep breath and

Dean was pretty sure Castiel had just exploded. He peered out from behind his fingers. Oh, no, he'd just burst his way out of the boots and was now wearing battle armour under his trench coat and holding a lightning bolt. Wait, what???

"I shall smite thee!" Castiel bellowed, brandishing his lightning bolt.

"Anna!" screamed Dean, "Stop him!" Anna looked panicked

"I don't know how! He's never done anything like this before!" On the screen, Castiel chose his first victim; the stick with the ball at the end. He hurled the lightning bolt at the machine and it blew up.

"Ha!" he crowed at the smoking machine, "Not so nice, is it? Ha!" Anna vanished. Another lightning bolt materialised in Castiel's fist. Holding it above his head he announced,

"Fear me, for I am Castiel the Kick-Ass!!! Fear meeeeeee!" He was all set to throw another lightning bolt at the other machine (Chuck was sincerely hoping he didn't, on account of his legs were still stuck) when he suddenly fell on to the ground unconscious; behind him stood a breathless Anna holding a frying pan. After regaining her composure, she touched one finger to Chuck's forehead and another to the unconscious Castiel.

Anna, Chuck and Castiel reappeared on Bobby's carpet. Well specifically, Castiel's unconscious form appeared right where Dean was standing, knocking him over and pinning him to the ground. He flailed weakly but it was no use. Nobody was paying any attention to him anyway. Bobby was staring hard at his 'adopted children', trying to figure out what was wrong. He knelt down beside Cas and gently pried one of his eyes open. It was slightly red with the pupils dilated.

"Sam, come here." Sam knelt down beside Bobby and then had to bend over even more so Bobby could check out his eyes; they were the same as Castiel's. Bobby stood up and left the room without saying a word. Ruby had her back firmly turned to Sam and Anna was busy trying to restore Chuck's mental health.

A fuming Bobby returned, followed by a beaming Uriel who was holding a bag of popcorn. At the sight of everyone in the room, particularly Castiel cutting off Dean's circulation by laying on him, bust into guffaws of laughter. Through his chuckles he managed to say,

"That was the funniest thing I've ever seen. It must be said that I am a genius." Bobby glared at him.

"Why not be a good boy and tell us what you did?" All eyes turned to Uriel. He grinned without an ounce of shame,

"Well, there is this lovely thing that humans call 'acid'..." Sam toppled over on top of Castiel. Dean gasped; his eyes bugging out.

"You drugged us?" exclaimed Ruby, her eyes going black again. Bobby clapped a hand to his forehead.

"How did you do it?" Uriel's grin widened.

"I slipped about four pills into each burger."

"FOUR?" bellowed Bobby, "They're going to be strung out for hours, if they don't kill each other before then!" Uriel just smiled innocently, which was terrifying.

"Oh well. Now as humans say: dog pile!" and he cannon-balled onto Sam's back and laughed while Sam flapped his arms in pain. Castiel remained blissfully ignorant. Anna hid behind Chuck and Ruby stalked off to another room. Bobby resisted the urge to go bang his head against a wall. Only Dean had something to say,

"Can't...breathe..."

A/N: Sorry about the wait. Hope this chapter wasn't TOO ridiculous for you, but hey, 4 acid tablets at once? I've never done it, but I can't imagine you'd be acting all that sane. Oh, and the image of Cas trying to smite everyone with lightning bolts came from a very hilarious comic someone drew. If anyone wants to see it, let me know and I'll send you the link.

Cheers!

Shooshkipoo


	10. Escape!

Hello hello! Sorry about the long delay, things have been absolutely CRAZY. To reward you all for your patience and lovely reviews that make me smile, I have included a character I think you'll all remember and appreciate. Enjoy!

**

Gathering what little energy he had left, Bobby yanked Uriel, Sam and Castiel off Dean, who was turning a frightening shade of blue. Castiel began to regain consciousness after being tossed on the floor. He sat up, swaying and cross-eyed but didn't say anything. In fact, he looked like he might have forgotten how.

"Ok, all of you are getting a time out. Uriel, back to the basement." Uriel practically skipped off to the basement, grinning gleefully.

"Anna, you go in the kitchen. Ruby, my bedroom."

"Bow ch-chicka wow woooow," drawled Castiel proudly before falling over again. Bobby scrubbed a hand over his face.

"I really have to talk to Dean about what he says in front of you..." Bobby muttered to himself. "Castiel, you're going in the attic." Castiel nodded sleepily.

"Sam, you're going to go into my reading room."

"Whatever you say Booby." Said Sam, nodding solemnly.

"Dean you," he looked down. Whether from lack of oxygen or just exhaustion, Dean was unresponsive. "can stay right here. What are you idjits waiting for? Get going!" Ruby rolled her eyes and walk upstairs. Anna cast a longing look at Dean's sleeping form before leaving the room. Sam hit the doorframe, but he kept walking and didn't seem to notice. Bobby collapsed onto the couch.

"Um?" Bobby cracked open one eye, silently swearing that if anyone called him 'Booby' one more time that there would be trouble. Chuck the prophet blinked innocently at him.

"What do you want?" asked Bobby, too tired to muster up manners of any kind.

"Erm, it's just," he stammered awkwardly, "I was on that game show, and I got um, injured and uh, have you got an ice pack by any chance?" Bobby almost cried at the simplicity of the request.

"Yeah," he mumbled, eye sliding shut again, "In the kitchen freezer." He didn't hear Chuck leave. But a few minutes later he heard a scuffle and some scared breathing. He kept his eyes shut. If he couldn't see it, then it might go away.

"Bobby," He grumbled when someone poked his arm but didn't move. Should have known that wouldn't work. _Poke poke_,

"Bobby!" The poking got so insistent that Bobby gave up. Chuck was inches from his face, looking anxious.

"What???" Bobby hissed. He wasn't sure he could survive eighteen more hours of this.

"There's a monster in the kitchen." whimpered Chuck. Bobby groaned and sat up.

"Monster?" he repeated in disbelief. Chuck nodded earnestly,

"Yeah, the kitchen is dark and I keep seeing this shape darting around and making noise. Sometimes I can see its eyes and it says," Chuck gulped, "my precious." Bobby glared,

"Are you intoxicated too??"

"Yes, but that's not the point. There really is a monster in the kitchen!" Bobby sighed and was about to stand when Chuck squealed and jumped on to the couch with him.

"It's there! It's there!" he cried in horror, "It wants Dean!" Bobby looked; Dean was obliviously unconscious on the floor and breathing peacefully. He had his arms slightly flexed above his head and his shirt had ridden up enough to expose his toned stomach. Then he noticed. Chuck hadn't been lying; a shivering figure wearing a cloak was bending over Dean, hands inches from his bare stomach, fingers waggling with anticipation.

"My precious....my precious" it whispered. Dropping Chuck unceremoniously onto the floor, Bobby got up and crossed the length of the room in three steps. He wrenched off the cloak, which was actually his table cloth and glared.

"Anna, what in all the hells do you think you're doing?" Anna's mouth dropped open. She gulped soundlessly for a moment, looking like a fish out of water and then threw herself on top of Dean. Bobby grabbed her arms and yanked her off.

"I... can't... take it anymore!" Anna screeched, thrashing, "Must...touch!" She managed to get a hold of Dean's jeans and rubbed her face against his leg, purring. With an almighty tug requiring strength he didn't know he had, Bobby managed to get her completely off. She struggled in his grasp and even went so far as to bite his arm. That almost worked, but he managed to grab her again, just in time.

"If you don't stop it right now, I'll lock you in the basement with Uriel for the rest of the homework time!" Anna went completely still. Only her brown eyes moved, darting back and forth.

"Tell you what; if you promise to stay in the kitchen, I'll let you look at a picture of Dean."

"Hokayyyyyyyyyyyy" beamed Anna, still sounding scary and looking insane. She skipped off back to the kitchen. Bobby was astonished to see that Dean hadn't reacted at all to being molested; he hadn't even noticed! Dean snored and rolled over. Bobby rolled his eyes but threw a blanket over Dean and tucked a throw pillow under his head. Then he picked up the photo of him and the Winchesters that he kept on the mantle and carried it into the kitchen.

"You've decided to take very very good care of this picture and treat it with the utmost respect." said Bobby, holding it out to her reluctantly. Anna nodded seriously,

"I will." She took the picture and cradled it.

"Good." Said Bobby gruffly, grabbing the ice pack for Chuck and leaving Anna to her business. "Chuck, can I leave you down here and see if I can get some sleep?" Chuck nodded and curled up on the vacated couch, sighing in relief when he took the ice pack.

Bobby trudged upstairs to his room. The lights were off and he collapsed on his bed. With any luck, the patients would fall asleep and be calmer in the morning. Of course, when has Bobby ever been lucky? He was almost asleep when he felt a hand stroking his arm. He froze, hoping it was his imagination. Then he felt someone kiss his neck and begin to nibble his ear. He leapt to his feet and turned on the light. Ruby smiled seductively at him from the bed. Bobby noted that she had abandoned her leather jacket and was wearing a very form-fitting black tank top. Bad Bobby!

"R-Ruby?!?" Ruby stood and slowly approached him. He backed up, but hit a wall.

"You could say that I'm feeling a little...frustrated." She purred. "I'm not allowed near Sam..." This was when Bobby began to sweat. _Please don't mean what I think you mean..._

"And after all, you did win the title of Hotter Better Dancer. It's too bad I couldn't compete, I've got moves that would blow your mind." She winked impishly at this last comment. Bobby whimpered. Ruby put her hand on his hips and pressed herself up against him.

"I can't believe I never noticed how attractive you are," she breathed. Bobby, now thoroughly uncomfortable said,

"What's that sound? I think Sam is having a shower!" Ruby instantly released him.

"Really? Where?"

"The bathroom obviously. Go have a look!" Ruby threw him aside and bolted through the door. Bobby slumped against the wall, relieved that he had gotten rid of her. What he hadn't anticipated however, was that the shower was actually in use. He heard a high-pitched scream followed by loud footsteps outside his door. Pulling it open wearily, he saw Castiel tear past wearing nothing but a towel, repeatedly wailing,

"I've been violated!" shortly followed by Ruby's yell of,

"I thought you were Saaaaam!"

"Someone shay my name, Booby?" called Sam, from the bottom of the stairs. He jumped out of the way when Castiel ran by him and out the door. Wait, out the door? Goddammit! Sam acted before Bobby could; he darted into the TV room and nudged Dean awake.

"Dean! Dean! Cas has gone missing, we have to find him!" Dean jumped to his feet and fell into his little brother's arms.

"Hmm? Right Cas, gotta find him. Let's roll!" He and Sam swayed drunkenly out the door, heedless of Bobby's shouts.

Now he was really faced with a dilemma; did he dare leave Uriel, Anna and Ruby alone in his house? Did he dare risk them going out in public? He was assaulted by visions of Ruby molesting every man she came across, hulking out if they angered her. He saw Uriel imitating his brother and smiting anything and everything with lightning bolts. Anna he wasn't worried about...unless she found Dean and the picture was no longer satisfactory. Bobby shuddered.

"Chuck, I'm going to find the other boys. You're in charge now. Bye!"

"W-w-what?" Chuck spluttered, but Bobby was already gone. Chuck looked out into the night and Bobby's car, getting gradually smaller in the distance. Chuck began to cry.

**

Castiel had no idea where the heck he was. He had been wandering aimlessly until a man stepped out of a building and reprimanded him for slacking on the job. Bewildered, he had followed the man inside and found himself in a room with four other men. Two of them had towels around their waists and two were wearing robes. One of them nudged him and said,

"Get your head in the game; it's time to go on."

"Go on what?" asked Castiel. Without answering, two of the men linked arms with him and pulled him through a pair of dark red velvet curtains. Castiel blinked sluggishly at the bright lights and winced slightly at the screaming crowd that he couldn't entirely see. The music began and Castiel's eyes almost bugged out when he saw the other men starting to rub up against poles. He stood there, dumbstruck until one of them sauntered over to him and rubbed up against him. He let out a most un-manly squeak, but instinct told him he should play along so...

**

"Sam!" cried Dean, grabbing his brother's shoulder and almost knocking him over. "Look!" Sam looked; it was a sign announcing a Chippendale's performance that night, the theme: bathrobes and towels. Sam and Dean exchanged soulful looks and then took off running.

They burst through the doors, knocking over the bouncers in their haste. When they reached the room of the performance, their worst fears were confirmed. Castiel was on stage doing an odd combination of the Robot and impressions of the other men with a perfectly straight face. Sam and Dean darted through the crowd, shoving women out of the way. Sam picked up speed, he was almost there- a hand reached out from nowhere and grabbed him, yanking him down. Dean didn't notice; he was too focused on reaching the stoned angel. Dean reached the stage, panting,

"Cas!" Castiel's eyes widened in recognition and he knelt down to Dean's level,

"Cas, I'm sho glad you're ok, we have to" Castiel shook his head,

"What you have to do is get your ass up here and dance!" Dean's jaw dropped as Castiel pulled him up on the stage, dumbstruck. Once safely up on stage, Castiel resumed his dirty-Robot dancing. It just looked so funny that Dean began to mimic him. Less than a minute later, Dean was so euphoric that he took Castiel's hand and leapt into the audience. They crowd-surfed happily for a moment and then noticed that Sam was in horrible danger.

The hand drifted on to Sam's rear and he whimpered uncomfortably,

"You remember me don't you?" the old woman purred, giving Sam a tiny squeeze. He winced and shifted out of her grasp,

"How could I forget you, Ms. Case." She tutted reprovingly

"Call me Gert." Sam groaned inwardly,

"Look uh, Gert, I'd love to stay and er, chat, but I really have to get going." He tried to stand, but Gert pulled him back down,

"What could be more important than our love?" _Oh no, not the L word..._ Sam's complexion turned ghostly white when he saw several more women Gert's age turn when she spoke.

"Oh, is this the young man you were telling us about?" one asked,

"He does look like he'd be firm all over." Said another, leering at him. Sam began to sweat, the old ladies were closing in on him; this was about to get awkward!

"Get your hands off my brother, you cougar!" slurred Dean, pointing at the women. The ladies turned on him, looking mutinous.

"Oh, I remember you," said Gert evilly, "Such a rude young man. Ladies?" They glared at Dean, eyes glinting maliciously. Castiel peered out curiously from behind Dean's shoulder. The women stopped in their tracks.

"Oh my, one of the dancers!" swooned Gert, "Get him!" The three men turned and ran. They didn't stop until they were halfway down the street. Sam doubled over, hands on his knees,

"I-I think we're safe now." He huffed,

"Yeah, cougars can't run that fast." Said Dean reassuringly, patting his little brother's back. Castiel looked into the distance and groaned,

"I think you spoke too soon." The Winchesters looked; something was zooming towards them. It wasn't a comet, it wasn't Anna...oh Lordy Lord, it was Gert in a turbo wheelchair! The Winchesters backed up in terror, looking around in panic to see many turbo wheelchairs approaching not far behind Gert.

"What are we waiting for?" screamed Castiel, "Run!!!" They took off running. Sam got an idea,

"Guys! Get into that tree!" Dean looked at it,

"As if I could ever climb that tree!" Dean scoffed,

"Unless you want to be groped, I shuggest you try!" snapped Sam, hanging upside down from a branch. Castiel nodded his agreement and scrambled up the tree. Dean heard a menacing cackle and threw his arms up for Sam and Castiel to take. Together, they wrenched Dean off his feet and into the safety of the branches. Careful not to move or even breathe loudly, they waited.

"We've lost them." Gert sighed,

"We'll find you my pretty and your little Chippendale dancer too." The sound of the turbo wheelchairs slowly faded away. Dean slumped up against the tree. He cast an exhausted but grateful eye over his two companions and noticed something.

"Castiel. Where is your towel?" Castiel turned red and the three of them peered over the branches to the ground. Castiel's white towel lay innocently on the grass. Castiel said nothing. He simply looked at the brothers with his big blue puppy eyes. Sam and Dean looked at each other and played a quick game of rock paper scissors, which Sam won (as usual) Dean grumbled and yanked off his shirt which he tossed over to Castiel. Sam laughed, removing his jeans and handing them to the angel as well.

"Thank you." Castiel murmured, pulling on Sam's too long jeans.

"Sam, is that Tony the Tiger on your boxers?"

"Shut up."

Dean peered over the branches again.

"I think the coast is clear."

"Good," grumbled Sam, "Let's get the hell outta here! The three men swung upside down at the same time and found themselves blinded by a flash. Stunned, they fell out of the tree and landed in a heap. Sam looked groggily up to see Gert holding a camera and beaming. Dean crawled protectively in front of his brother, but was still so strung out and stunned from the fall that his arms gave out. Castiel moved closer to Sam and whispered urgently in his ear. Gert was accompanied by seven other old women, all holding cameras. They were trapped. Gert's smile widened,

"Let's get started."

**

Another chapter completed! I'm sad to say this story will soon be drawing to a close, but by that I mean about three more chapters most likely. I promise y'all to make them as epic and hilarious as I possibly can! Also, I'm not mocking the Chippendale's dancers. Be sure to drop me a review!

Shooshkipoo


	11. Bomb

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or a turbo wheelchair (yet).

"Started on what?" Dean whimpered, feeling incredibly self-conscious. Gert smiled,

"My ladies and I just want a night on the town. Now kindly get on with the show."

"We aren't strippers!" Sam protested at the same time Castiel growled,

"I am an angel of the Lord and will not be ordered around by lustful cougars."

"Cas!" whispered Dean, terrified, "You're not supposed to call them that to their faces!" One woman stood up and whacked Castiel in the face with her purse.

"Such blasphemy!" she scolded, "Humans are not angels!" Castiel's eyes welled up with tears.

"But...but I am an angel." He looked at the brothers, bottom lip trembling, "Aren't I?" Dean crawled to Castiel's side,

"Yes Cas, you are an angel. You could smite these creepy old biddies if you wanted to." Castiel shook his head sadly,

"I can't smite anyone without my Father's permission. I can't do anything!" Castiel started crying into his hands. Dean pulled his friend into a hug and started patting his head comfortingly. The women cooed and started snapping pictures. Sam stood up,

"Now look what you've done!" chided Sam to the old women, "You made a Chippendale cry! For shame, if I had a purse, I'd whack you with it!" The women stopped sighing and looked affronted. The first woman whacked Sam's arm with her purse because his face was too far away. Now normally the blow wouldn't have fazed him; but he was so unsteady that he fell right down.

"You want some more of that?" asked the woman, brandishing her purse,

"No," whined Sam, "we surrender."

Bobby was beyond tired. He'd had absolutely no luck finding his three escaped wards and each moment he spent away from his precious house was an opportunity for Uriel to burn it to the ground or worse. Well, he'd had some luck; he learned that the boys had performed in the Chippendale's show before running for their lives. He settled for circling the streets and hoping to come across them. As he was crossing a park, something caught his eye; a group of people by a tree. He supposed it was worth checking out. As he got closer, Bobby realized that this was definitely worth checking out.

Sam, Dean, and Castiel, all stripped down to their underwear and a towel in Castiel's case were slow dancing with three old women. The expressions of pain on their faces would have made a crueller man sit down and laugh as the other old women were, but Bobby was kinder than that. He was also dead tired and just wanted this night to be over. His gaze traveled from Sam's face to the woman with her hand planted on his ass.

"Gert?" he exclaimed in undisguised shock.

"Bobby!" cried Dean, releasing the woman and running to hide behind Bobby. Castiel tried to follow, but his dancer held up her purse again and he hung his head. Gert clung tightly to unhappy Sam,

"Cousin Bobby?" she asked in disbelief, "What are you doing here?" Everyone gaped.

"I'm here to take the boys back, thank you very much." Bobby answered, ignoring everyone's astonishment that he and Gert were, regrettably, related. Gert shook her head,

"Nope, they're our dancers now." Bobby scrubbed a hand over his face,

"I'll buy them off you," he offered tiredly. Gert shook her head again, the other old women imitating her,

"Nope. If you want them, you'll have to win them from us."

"Ok, I'll bite; what's the challenge?" Gert grinned,

"A race."

The challenge: Bobby vs. Gert in a turbo wheelchair race around the block. The prize: Sam, Dean and Castiel. Winner takes all.

"Go Booby!" Cheered Sam. Bobby bit back a sigh

"You ready?" asked Gert slyly.

"As I'll ever be." Bobby replied.

"Ready, set, go!" shouted Dean, "Go Booby, go!" Gert sped off leaving Bobby to eat her dust. Bobby pressed down on the button, but the chair didn't move.

"Goddamn you!" He yelled after her, jumping out of his chair and reconnecting the battery cable.

"Get going Booby!" screamed Castiel jumping up and down on the spot. Bobby sped off, but Gert was no longer in sight. Still, unwilling to give up Bobby dutifully sped off anyway. For once, it seemed that God was on their side: Bobby caught up to Gert about halfway around the block to find her stuck in traffic, having made the mistake of trying to go on the road. Cackling gleefully in a very un-Bobbylike way, Bobby moved on to the sidewalk and tore off past Gert.

"Make way!" he bellowed, barrelling through the sea of drunks dotting the sidewalk. Gert gave him a very unladylike hand gesture. The light turned green and the cars blocking Gert began to move. It didn't take long for Gert to catch up to Bobby.

"Not so smug now, are you?" she shrieked as she pulled up beside him. Bobby ignored her, his attention fully focused on the prize. This was going to be a close race! Looking wildly around for some sort of distraction, Bobby found something,

"Look! A Chippendale's dancer!" It was actually a random guy wandering around shirtless and intoxicated, but that wasn't important.

"Where?" cried Gert, looking around. That moment's distraction was all Bobby needed; he darted ahead into the lead and Gert crashed into a pile of garbage cans. Bobby returned to the park triumphant, basking in the glow of his adopted children's happy faces. The sour look on the cougars' faces was pretty sweet as well. With a superior smile Bobby announced,

"Time to go home, boys." Dean and Sam each latched on to one of Bobby's arms. Castiel, upon realizing that there were no arms available jumped on Bobby's back. Bobby couldn't even bring himself to mind.

To top off a successful night, Bobby found his house still standing upright. Then he heard the yelling.

"He's mine!"

"Back off bitch, he's mine!"

"What about Sam?"

"What about Dean?"

"Bitch!" Bobby was a bit disturbed by how not surprised he was to see Chuck tied up, Uriel sitting on the hood of a car with his popcorn and Anna and Ruby having a light sabre fight.

"Dare I ask what's going on?" Uriel looked up,

"They're trying to decide who gets Chuck." Bobby met Chuck's tearful eyes and then looked back at the vicious females.

"Oh to hell with it, do what you want. I'm having a nap. ALONE!" He stomped inside. Castiel looked at Sam and Dean,

"I feel like pancakes."

Bobby searched the room thoroughly for any monsters and Rubys that might be lurking around. Finding none, he tucked himself in and closed his eyes. The screams from outside in combination with the off key rendition of "For Your Entertainment" weren't THAT annoying. Approximately fifteen minutes later, he was roused by a chorus of panicked shouting,

"Cas what did you do?" shrieked Dean, "It's not supposed to do that!"

"I don't know!" the angel wailed back, "I thought I was helping them cook faster!"

"DUCK FOR COVER!" screamed Sam. Bobby leapt out of bed as fast as he could and ran downstairs just in time to get splattered by a pancake batter bomb. He walked into the kitchen. Everything, everything was covered in pancake batter. He heard a couple squeaks of terror coming from behind his overturned table. Castiel's blue eyes peered over the edge and ducked down quickly when they saw Bobby.

"Boys. Get out here." No one moved.

"If we can't see him, he isn't there." Said Castiel in what was apparently meant to be a whisper. Bobby clenched and unclenched his fists a couple of times,

"Castiel, I know you're back there."

"Castiel is not here." The angel replied, "this is his brother um, Asstiel." Dean burst out laughing, flinging himself in to view.

"Asstiel!" he gasped, holding his ribs

"You idiot," hissed Sam, fruitlessly tugging his brother back into hiding, "You've given away our position!" Something outside exploded in a burst of fire. Bobby ran outside and almost cried; Anna and Ruby were running through the junkyard, hurling fireballs and insults at each other. Uriel jogged behind them, pelting them with popcorn and yelling encouragement. Chuck screamed through his gag, trying to shield his head when the stampede ran by. When another car blew up, Bobby had had enough. He picked up his cell phone and made a quick call. When that was over, he squared his shoulders. Filling his lungs with all the oxygen he could muster Bobby bellowed,

"EVERYONE STOP! WE ARE GOING TO SEE DR. MAXWELL SO GET IN THE CAR!"

Back at his house, Dr. Maxwell got out of bed and took a long shot of whisky.

"Well," he told his house, "It's been fun, I'll probably never see you again."


End file.
